


To my eternal lover

by devinemoon



Category: WAYV
Genre: Angst, Heavy Angst, M/M, Short One Shot, just pure angst tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24140779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/devinemoon/pseuds/devinemoon
Summary: "If there’s an eternal place called heaven, I hope we can still love each other there too."
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun
Comments: 8
Kudos: 32





	To my eternal lover

**Author's Note:**

> I recommend you to listen to this as you read: 
> 
> Lover, Please Stay - Nothing But Thieves

12/05/30

To my eternal love:

If there’s an eternal place called heaven, I hope we can still love each other there too.

I still hope and pray you remember me. You remember my voice, my hands on your skin caressing your naked back softly. I hope you remember my lips, whispering silent love songs to your chest, imprinting love marks on your neck. I hope you remember my eyes looking at yours deeply. I hope you remember my love, and my voice, and every little thing I used to do only to make you grumpy, to make you happy, even to accidentally make you sad. I hope you remember me because I surely remember you.

I remember your hands on my waist, your lips on my lips, your eyes on my eyes. I remember what your hair looks like when you just hopped out of the shower, I remember you. How you like your coffee in the morning, how you nag at me when I don’t wash the dishes. I remember every little mole marking your skin, tracing infinite maps to a hidden place I call my home. All your moles, all your maps trace a route to the same place: my home.

Because that’s who you are, my home. My home, half of my soul, the color I see every time I go outside. Your cold rain and sunny mornings. You’re all I ever need.

But life, my dear. Life is so unfair. Life brought us together, life made us fall in love and just _love._ Love so hard our hands fit perfectly together, so hard that the only sound I recognize from miles away is the sound of your voice. A love that showed me that being away from you burned my skin like a frostbite, so cold and so numbing, yet still so painful. 

But life also took you away from me.

The snow quickly erased every trace of you, and I saw you slipping throw my hands. I saw you being buried deep into the cold snow and I heard your heart as it played its last melody.

Your mother tried to comfort me the first month. She said you were up there, in the sky. Even more up, in a place called heaven. That up there you would be taking care of her, of your brothers, of me. But, how can you take care of me from up there when I’m dying down here without you? How can you love me from miles away?

I still can hear you around the house sometimes. I can still sense you, I still look at the clock when it hits 8 P.M. and wait for the door to open, to show me that this cruel reality is just another trick and that everything is alright. I still cook dinner for two, I do laundry for two. I still pour two cups of coffee in the morning in case you want to come down and drink it by my side, just like we used to. I really hope you come down. I beg God to let you visit me sometimes, even in my dreams. It never happens. But I still beg.

Life is cruel. It brought everything to me and then strip me away from the warmth, from the love, from everything. In a sense, it left me naked and insecure. Nothings feels the same now that you’re gone.

After your departure from this life, and from me I get scared easily. I used to pretend to be scared of thriller movies and silly things for you to hug me or comfort me. But now I am truly scared. I’m scared of the dark, so I always leave the bathroom lights on. I’m scared of cars, of the bus, of bikes. I’m scared of the winter, even if now it’s all I know. Because spring and summer don’t feel like it without you. All I know is the cold.

The truth is that sometimes I talk to God, even if I don’t know who God is. I talk to them and ask the to turn back the time. To rewind everything. To let it be me instead. I talk to them and beg the to let me take your place. One day I even screamed to them to let _it be me_. Let it be me and let you stay. To please let you stay.

Everyone says I’ll eventually feel better, and I’ll eventually get over it. That I’ll find someone else and that my heart would stop aching. And I just think that they don’t understand. I loved you for almost half of my life, and a couple of years after I finally had you in my arms, someone took you away from me. I loved you with so much passion and so much greed that when I lost you, I also lost my own heart. I lost colors, and tastes and smells. I lost myself too.

You took everything from me and gave me everything you had for me to take too. We exchanged souls and minds, but when you went away you forgot to return a part of me too. And I can’t blame you for it. I can’t.

I saw red and white melt together the day I lost you, and sometimes I can still see it vividly inside my mind.

To Kun, my eternal lover:

If there’s an eternal place called heaven, I hope we can still love each other there too. But if you have a chance, please come down and visit me, in the middle of the day or in my dreams. Your favorite coffee mug is in the same place you left it. I am too.

-Ten.

**Author's Note:**

> @10velyfebruary on twt


End file.
